Source: Harvard Business Review
by Joseph Grenny,
July, 05 2016.
Rick’s boss thinks Rick is both brilliant and a tyrant. He recently told Rick he is not on the succession plan to become the next CEO because his volatile temper could destroy the company. Ultimately, Rick retired early and angry, toggling between resentment and self-recrimination at failing to achieve his goal.
One VitalSmarts study of close to 1,000 managers found that 97% of us are like Rick, in that we have at least one career-limiting habit, a habit that keeps us from greater success or enjoyment in our career. Unfortunately, our research also shows that while most of us have been aware of this deficiency for years, few make much progress in overcoming it.
When our efforts to change fail to change us, it’s usually because the cure doesn’t match the cause, and often the diagnosis is wrong. Here are a few new ways to think about the real causes behind some of the most common career-limiting habits — and what you can do about them.
Unreliability
Most bosses crave having at least a couple of 100% reliable people on their team, people who let a boss dismiss a task from her mind because she knows it will get done. But many of us fail to meet that 100% mark. With these individuals the boss carries psychological ownership of the assignment even after the employee has sworn a blood oath to follow through.
The cause. Certainly, a lack of reliability can be a failure of organization; a better personal management system can help. But I’ve found that the problem often is one of communication. People who don’t keep promises tend not to hold boundaries. They have a difficult time saying no. They’d rather disappoint you later than invite your disapproval now. And they tend to be as unreliable with keeping commitments to themselves as with others. They abhor their own unreliability, but they feel incapable of overcoming it.
The cure. Learning to say no is essential to becoming more reliable. But this is hard. Here are three tips to make it easier:
- Break eye contact. Those of us who are too eager to please get that way by always looking out and never looking in. When in the presence of someone who is pressuring you to make a commitment, slow down the process. Break off eye contact. Take a breath.
- Pause the action. If you’re not in the right mental place to weigh the commitment, have a script you can use to delay responding. For example, say, “I’d really like to help. Let me look at what I’m already signed up to do and get back to you by the end of the day. Will that work?”
- Count before you speak. Think of all the existing commitments you’ve made. The easiest way to say no is to think of all the other requests you’ve said yes to. Think of saying no not as letting people down but as delivering on your other promises.
Procrastination
It’s one of the most insidious temptations of our time. Technology has made it incredibly easy to do immediate-but-unimportant stuff at the expense of anxiety-provoking-but-important stuff. We have texts, voicemail, email, and lots of busyness at our fingertips — all of which create the illusion of productivity.
The cause. Procrastination is almost always about fear of pain or failure. We put off those tasks that we suspect will cause us misery. For example, tackling this article might finally reveal my ineptitude with writing. Preparing a report might trap me in uninterrupted tedium. Almost always, there are unexamined and exaggerated expectations associated with our tendency to procrastinate on certain tasks.
The cure. Lure yourself into measured involvement with dreaded tasks by empathizing with, and accommodating, your own concerns. Realize that your motivation is malleable — it is the limiting commodity to all your success in life. So invest in it, nurture it, learn about it. Find ways to structure your involvement in these tasks that heightens and extends your motivation. For example:
- Break it into chunks. You’ve heard it before, but you probably haven’t used this tip as much as you should. One of the best ways to maximize motivation is to break a large dreaded task into small parts and allow yourself a celebratory pause after completing each one.
- Make it social. Involving colleagues can change your experience. For example, if you’ve got a presentation to prepare, practice pitching it with a trusted colleague. Their interest and excitement can be contagious and can spur you to finish the task.
- Stop early. How you feel when you complete a task carries forward to the next experience. If you grind it out until you stagger across the finish line, the final misery will linger. It’s better to stop when you’re still feeling engaged. Pause at a place that makes it easy to pick back up, which will increase your motivation to continue.
Selfishness
Rick’s temper gave others the impression that all he cared about was himself. They felt unsafe with him not just because of his unpredictable tirades but also because they believed he was fundamentally a selfish jerk. They thought the source of his temper was his lack of concern for others.
The cause. Chances are, you aren’t inconsiderate because you’re a jerk; you’re inconsiderate because you’re not paying attention. You’re giving appropriate attention to your goals or position. There’s nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is that you’ve invested too little in becoming aware of the goals and opinions of others. Become more conscious and you’ll become more considerate.
The cure. Small things can yield big results. If you struggle with empathy, patience, and selflessness, pay attention to your body language when you’re in tense situations. Often, those who get caught up in their own heads and agendas close off physically before they do so emotionally. They turn away and stop listening. Two things can help:
- Maintain eye contact. Stay connected by staying in contact with others. One of the most effective ways to humanize someone is to look them in the eye. Examine their face. Watch for signals of emotion. Being aware of others’ emotions is the first step toward empathy.
- Get curious. Interrupt your sense of urgency about proving your point. You’ll get to that. Instead, come up with questions of sincere curiosity that will help you understand why others think what they think. The goal is only to understand them, not to agree with them. But when you see things from their perspective, you’ll often find surprising points of agreement.
The difference between the career you’ve got and the one you want likely is just one or two bad habits. If you learn to think more carefully about the causes of your behavior, you’ll be far more successful at changing it.
